When it comes to salary, equal rights and freedom of speech, we are willing to fight for what is ours. But some fights — less crucial than others let’s be honest — are still worth fighting even if not on top of our (very long) list.
The Orgasm Gap happens to be one of them, so let’s talk about it, for our own pleasure; shall we?
What’s the Orgasm Gap?
Forbes’ Definition: The Orgasm Gap was coined to describe the disparity in orgasms between couples. Also known as orgasm inequality, studies have used it to measure sexual satisfaction among different demographics. A good and healthy sex life can’t be measured purely by how many orgasms people are having. However, studies have found that there’s a considerable difference between the number of orgasms men and women are having in heterosexual relationships.
In a survey of 2,850 single men and women, women were found to experience orgasm with a familiar partner at an average rate of 63 percent, while men reached orgasm more than 85 percent of the time.
I’m no master at maths, but there are 22% of orgasms lost somewhere when they should be right here in bed (or in the kitchen, the shower or anywhere working for you!) with us!
Wanted: The 22% Orgasms — A cultural problem
For as long as I could remember, I always had a feeling that being in a guy’s head was way easier. Way less mental load, fewer preoccupations, fewer questions… but if that’s so, it also is because we keep on taking care of their responsibilities when they totally could do so if we — all of us — decided to let adult men be as responsible as women have to be.
But I can’t help it, every time something is not right for my husband, I start stressing out and feel the urge of fixing it even though nobody asked me to do so.
Heterosexual women want their men to be happy, wherever it takes. Call it love, kindness, goodwill, care, or whatever you’d like, but that’s how it is. And it does not stop in the kitchen, the living room, or the study, but it follows us into the bedroom.
Wanted: The 22% Orgasms — A lack of information
If women are kidding (a bit) about how men can’t find the clitoris, a YouGov study found that confusion surrounding the vulva is shared by both genders. Locating the clitoris is not so much of a problem, but 58% of people could not describe the function of the urethra, 47% did not know what the labia were and 52% did not know what the vagina (!) was.
But if both genders seem to know where the clitoris is, it looks like men don’t know it’s actually quite useful when it comes… to come. If most women need direct clitoral stimulation, it is sadly rarely acknowledged or depicted. No wonder we think that when we mainly see porn, in which women have fast orgasms only after a few seconds of penetrative sex.
How to? The pursuit of the 22%
While we spent our twenties learning how to be independent, strong and self-sufficient, we happily give that up when it comes to heterosexual sex at whatever age. We wonder if the guy is going to like us, to find us pretty while we come (but since only 6% of Women come during sex with a new partner while 39% do when they masturbate, there is not much to worry about!) and we stay in our head, wondering “is this working for you?” while we are not present enough to know if it’s even working for us. Ending the act without knowing what just happened, left with the feeling things did not really go the way we would have wanted them to go.
Sex is an act that belongs to both (or more) partners and needs to be enjoyed to the fullest by everybody participating in it. We can not, not please ourselves to be sure to please someone else. If we are willing to fight for our rights and equality, let’s start with what might seem like something not important but truly is: our own pleasure.
By talking to our partner, communicating about what we like and what we don’t, explaining to our partner(s) that no, sex does not stop when they are done, exploring our sexuality on our own and giving ourselves the opportunity to get this 22% back. And even more.
Our time has come.
