I re-wrote this article a thousand times.
Well, ok twenty times.
Well okaaaaaay, maybe five times, tops.
Sure at the beginning it was going to be about the disparition of romance. How in 2020, nobody would ever show up under your window with a boombox or even make you a playlist with cute soundtracks related to your story. How romance became from indispensable, to lame in only a few years, viewed as a great topic in chick flicks but as an unthinkable thing to do in real life.
But after a few thoughts, many viewings of Sex and the city, and let’s be honest; a few crapy dates, I think it would be reductive to only talk about romance, when the real thing that has disappeared seems the be a different one. A bigger one: manners.
And believe me, I had my fair share of crapy dates. I’ve been on dates where the guy talked about his ex-girlfriend for almost an hour, where the guy was so hammered I had to call him an Uber. Where the guy ordered a Kir. I know, it’s rude regarding people who drink Kir. But unless you’re at your Bachelorette Party, you can’t drink Kir. At least not on a first date. I know, it’s totally judgmental, but this is how I feel about Kir. Talking about judgmental, I’ve been on date where I have been told that my nose was not that broken for an English Boxer. I think it was meant as a compliment, but come on mate. I’ve been on dates where the guy paid only for his drink, where the guy didn’t ask me one question about me. Where the guy forgot his wallet, where he told me he actually had a girlfriend (they’ve been together for six years, and she sounded lovely. I should have gone for a drink with her instead. And drink Kirs). And I’ve been on dates where the guys asked me point blank «Soooo, are we gonna have sex at one point? Because blue balls are a real thing »
Yes, that happened. The sentence, not the sex part; obviously.
The list could go on and on — what can I say, I’m a lucky gal — but the point is, during most of those dates, I kept thinking about romance. At first. And then I realized that most of the guys didn’t suck at Romance, but they did at having manners. And if I blamed the Parisians for a long time, I could now admit that I was wrong, because I did date overseas, and spoiler alert, people without manners are like Tie and Dye shirts in a souvenir shop, or Veja Shoes in the 11th arrondissement of Paris; they are EVERYWHERE.
But most of the time, you can see the red flags, and from far. We can say a lot of things about the first impression, but the only one that I believe in is the one that sticks. You can be the best person ever, if you fuck up your first impression, it does mean something. Because there is first and first. Let’s say you do something weird but understandable, it won’t raise a red flag. But what about something rude, totally random (not random in a good way) (yes there is a good way to be random) (my humble opinion) or out of line? What about when you talk to someone and this person acts in a way that makes your brain think « it’s not ok »? Should we see further than our first impression or should we raise a red flag, even a small one, just to protect ourselves?
Did you ever hear someone say « Well the first time I met him, he was such a selfish, anti-feminist, rude, awful person, but then I got passed that and I fell for him »?
Noooooo.
You might have heard « At first we had different opinions » « He was not my type » « His haircut was horrible » « He was a Republican » but you can’t go from « why the hell am I talking to that person » to « And we lived happily ever after ». Or it’s something called the Stockholm Syndrome, and it’s not the topic of this article. Sorry.
Since I’m not going to point out the worst things to do or what crucial manners are, because… well because I’ve got my laundry to do and I’d like to workout before lunch — and oh because if you can’t see why you have to stand up to say hi to someone who joins your table, I can’t do anything for you — I will just give you one piece of advice; red flags are like blue balls; they are real. So if you see one red flag, please, listen to yourself; step back, have a drink, and don’t do anything stupid. Like ordering a Kir.
